Journaling Angry

Is it a good idea to write in your gratitude journal when you are fuming mad? Yes. I think it is. In fact, I think it can be one of the better times to do so. Passion can be a driving force for creation. Writing about things for which you are grateful can put your anger into perspective.

It’s difficult to stay angry that the power bill seems to rise every month when you take time to write about the fact that you are grateful to live in a country where you have electricity. It’s hard to remain fuming mad at your husband when you give thanks that he survived an illness that threatened to steal his life away. It’s tough to be mad at your puppy for doing a naughty on your carpet when you are thankful for his companionship and how he makes you laugh so easily.

I live with debilitating pain every day and that makes me angry. Angry because I cannot do a simple action such as getting up from a chair without searing pain shooting through my spine. Angry because physical pain slows my life down. Like most people, I have so much I want to accomplish every day, and I awake every morning with the intent of doing so. Then the pain sets in, requiring me to lie on my side. What can I possibly accomplish while lying on my side!??!

I can write in my gratitude journal. I can write about how fortunate I am to have my mind. I can write about how grateful I am to live in a country where healthcare is available. Even with the many complaints in the media about healthcare, we have it. The cost of healthcare is exorbitant, but we have it. I can write in my gratitude journal how grateful I am to have the eyes with which to see some of the most beautiful sunsets and sunrises in the world. (One of which I used as the heading of this site.) I can write about how thankful I am to have ears to hear the beautiful sounds of a classic symphony by Beethoven or Mozart or the rocking sound of Third Day. I can give thanks for my sense of smell. Some people don’t have it, and cannot enjoy the delicious smell of vanilla, or the sensuous smell of ylang-ylang, or the rich scent of lilac.

I wouldn’t wish my ailments upon anyone, not even an enemy if I had one. Nor would I wish anyone else’s ailments upon myself. I have faith that each of us will endure the ailment that we must in life, in order to learn the lessons that we must learn. Those lessons often seem to hide themselves from us, or we simply don’t want to learn them. However, if we take the time to give gratitude for what we have, rather than anger for what we have not, we may find ourselves enjoying life to a fuller degree.

There. I am not angry anymore. In fact, I have forgotten what I was fuming mad about when I began this entry. For that, I give thanks.

“Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.” Ecclesiastes7:9, KJV

“Because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” James 1:20, NIV

Hugs and Love,

Gisele

Are YOU Confident?

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The Power of Confidence

A few years ago I volunteered as a teacher to junior-high school aged children… er, young adults. The majority of the students in one of the schools in which I volunteered were court-ordered to attend Saturday classes. As bad as it may sound to attend school on a Saturday to some teens, this was clearly better than the alternative. These kids were what is often referred to as “high risk” – most had socioeconomic disadvantages, were living in homes where they were victims of abuse and/or neglect, were linguistically diverse,  and socially insular, for which they usually attempted to overcompensate.

I developed a curriculum for the students that centered on confidence and packaged it generically as lessons in communication. The reason for this strategy was that, as a foster mother for fifteen years, I learned that children usually misbehaved out of lack of ego. It sounds counterintuitive, I know, but what these young people need is to feel valuable, special, unique, admired and NOTICED! I believe that when teens have high self-esteem they are less afraid, therefore they have less of a need to create a persona of “tough kid” who is street smart and playing the role of Tony Montana in Scarface.

Every Saturday, I worked with these young students, teaching about body language, tone of voice, interpersonal interaction, and intrapersonal communication. We role-played job interviews, and yes, we even role played things to say on dates.

However, the most valuable tool I think I shared with the students was the art of making and maintaining eye contact. I watched week after week as they began to develop their own power, some for the first time in their lives. The first week of eye-contact training started with simply challenging the students to look me or another student directly in the eyes while speaking the three words, “How are you?” I realize this may sound easy, but for someone who lacks confidence it can be debilitating and the time it takes to speak those three words can feel like an eternity. Each week I increased the difficulty and homework always consisted of a challenge that they had seven days to complete until we had class again the next Saturday. The students dreaded the first assignment as it brought them so far out of their comfort zones and put them at risk of being ridiculed. But soon, the students were arriving early for class, excited to share their experiences.

“Miss G! Miss G! (Easier than trying to pronounce my first name and less formal than using my last). I did it! I talked to that girl I like!”

“Miss G, I asked my English teacher if I could have a second chance to redo an assignment and he’s gonna let me! I might be able to change my grade from F to at least a C or maybe a B!”

Yikes! Could any of them see the tears in my eyes as I high-fived them, especially now that they were actually looking into my eyes?

One of my fondest memories was the Saturday after I challenged them to lock eyes with someone. The challenge was that they would spot someone – it could be a friend, a teacher, a stranger, or even a relative – and look into their eyes. The rule is to make the other person look away first. And for those who were brave enough, I challenged them to keep looking so that when the person who looked away first naturally looked back, the student was still maintaining eye contact. (Yes – we completely discussed the creepy aspects and, of course, safety). The joy and energy in the room filled my heart. Suddenly, these little wallflowers were beginning to bloom. They could control situations in a positive manner, and more importantly they could control themselves.

Sometimes, when I find myself in a slump, maybe even feeling sorry for myself, I draw upon the memories of these young people who braved their eye-contact assignments – doing something they previously thought unimaginable – and remind myself that sometimes simply acting confident can make us become confident. If these students could do something that was so frightening to them, with all the adversity they face in life, then I owe it to them and to myself to suck it up and do the same.

I challenge you too. Instead of looking down at the floor, or looking away while standing in a long line of impatient patrons, challenge yourself to look someone directly in the eyes and hold your gaze until they look away first. Make sure you smile though, so they don’t feel the need to seek out security personnel. If you find yourself in a crowded room – perhaps at a party – pick someone from across the room and look at them until they look back, and try to hold the gaze. Please respect the fact that if you are married and you do this with a member of the opposite sex it may come off as flirting. However, if you are single and wanting to meet someone, be sure to pick the cutest someone from across the room!

If you have confidence, or at least know how to exude confidence, you have power. Please only use this power in a positive way. Share it with someone who needs it!

Gratefully yours,

Gisele

Courage

As I watched the ABC News Special about Congresswoman Gabby Giffords a few weeks ago, I felt that deep inspiration, that no doubt most who watched the program felt. But it also stirred within me the curiosity I’ve always had about the power of our minds.

We called upon that power in our youth, when we pedaled our bikes for the first time without our training wheels. We relied on our courage when a teacher required us to recite a poem aloud standing in front of our classmates. And isn’t it the power of our minds that help determine our destiny?

Like others, I was moved after watching the movie, The Secret. I followed the marketing plan by purchasing several copies of the movie for friends and family, a few copies of the book and even the journal. The law of attraction wasn’t necessarily a new concept for most of us, but the packaging of The Secret helped us put better habits in place.

I was dissapointed when atheists and agnostics claimed that The Secret was too religious in nature, and saddened when Christians claimed it was anti-religious. I believe they were missing the point. I am a Christian, so I cannot speak for the atheists or agnostics point of view. As a Christian, The Secret reminded me of my responsibility when faced with a challenge in life. Not the challenge of picturing myself driving a new sports car, or of living in a luxurious, oversized home, but the challenge of doing the work that is needed to live the life I want.

Think back now, to Diane Sawyer’s interview with Gabby Giffords and her husband Mark Kelly. Who of us would have the courage to overcome such challenges? I believe the answer to that question is that any of us – but only if we choose to – can use the power of positive thinking to succeed in such challenging circumstances.

“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.” – Mother Teresa

We mustn’t place boundaries on our abilities. Remember how you thought it impossible to recite that poem in front of your classmates in elementary school?

Yet another thing to be grateful for: courage!

Hugs, Gisele

Good-Bye My Dear Friend

My good friend Ben passed away this week. It was unexpected news because he seemed to be in good health and barely past the age of 50. Yes, he was somewhat overweight, but was working on reducing his weight. We walked side-by-side on treadmills three times per week and although we were both covered in sweat by the end of the 20 to 30 minutes, he never seemed to struggle with the exercise. 

Ben loved to cook, and was always most concerned with the taste of the food, not the nutritional value. He loved taking his wife – his best friend – out to dinner at restaurants where the food was great, regardless of whether it was a hip spot or not. He knew which wine to serve with each dish, whether it was a dish he cooked in his home, or a meal he ordered in a restaurant. I had planned on running some of my recipes past him since he was such a connoisseur and our relationship was built on complete honesty, so I knew I would always get a straight answer from him.

Ben was one of the nicest human beings I have ever met (besides my husband, of course). This world was a far better place with him in it. I will miss my philosophical work-out buddy. He taught me things that I shall not forget.

Ben’s passing got me thinking about mortality. Although I suppose the older I get, the closer to death I get, I do believe that we have some control over our own mortality. Ultimately, it is God’s decision, but we have a responsibility to care for our bodies, our temples.

“Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.” ~ 1 Corinthians 3:16-17, ESV

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” ~1Corinthians 10:31, ESV

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” ~1 Corinthians 6:19-20, ESV

 

And so, it is with gratitude that I will forgo the Snickers bar and instead choose the bowl of fresh, juicy, sweet, and decadent strawberries. Hmm. When you say it like that it does not seem so bad! Perhaps that is why our Lord gave us those berries to eat. He loves us!

I mourn the loss of my dear friend Ben, while being of grateful mind for the many gifts our Heavenly Father has given us, including words of comfort.

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” ~Psalm 30:5, KJV

“The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart: and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” ~ Psalm 34:17-18, KJV

 

Ben, I thank you for your time spent with me and for all that I’ve had the pleasure of learning from you. It may be difficult to move on from my grief, but in your honor I will do so. Rest in peace dear friend.

With tears in my eyes and gratitude in my heart,

Gisele